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college life [04 Sep 2001|04:57pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

well I feel obligated to write this entry but not really inspired.

I've been at Canisius since Friday so that's 5 days. It was like a huge party 24/7 up until last night because classes started today. I was beginning to think that this was going to be a huge party school but I guess it was just the first weekend when no one had anything better to do.

So I had my first classes today. Calc was the very first one. Dr Alif is INSANE. He has a white beard and an accent I can't quite place. He was wearing cargo shorts and a T-shirt. He climbed up on the tables and started walking around on them. He stole candy from anyone who had it. He charges $4.98 for an extra copy of any handout. That's only the tip of the iceberg. If only you could hear him talk. I was laughing the whole class. All we talked about were lines. I think I'll do fine in the class. Probably won't be too difficult.

Dr Boger was my second experience. Philosophy. I was laughing the whole class too. He challenged us alot but in a good way. He made fun of us but in a nice way. I think I will enjoy that class. It doesn't seem like it will be too hard.

Margaret Ryan (Dr or Mrs, I don't know) taught my last class of the day. Literature for Children and Young Adults. Basically we read a whole bunch of kiddie books and make a list of them all. Read aloud to the class. Get read to by the professor. Yeah, it's great. Easy class.

Tomorrow I have English, Calc, and Spanish. We'll see how it goes. I don't think I'm going to like having calc every day but it's a 50 minute class so it's not too bad. Philosophy and Children's Lit are 1 hour 15 minutes. A little too long if you ask me. I get antsy and want to get up and move. Oh well. I'll suffer through it. I have a feeling I'm not going to do well in English because it's an honors course and I'm not good at English to begin with. 8 books to read this semester just for English. Plus alot of reading for other classes too. AHHH! I've never had so much to read at one time. But as long as there's not alot of written homework too I'll be ok. Yeah, we'll just have to wait and see!

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happiness prevails [20 Aug 2001|11:32pm]
[ mood | relaxed ]

Things were complicated, confusing, I didn't know what to do and it was serious. Life changing decisions. I tried to blow it off like it was nothing but I couldn't. I had to do something about it because I had no choice. By choosing to not decide I was actually making a decision. It just wasn't going to work that way. So I thought about it. And I think I came to a conclusion that works out. It satisfies what I need right now and accommodates for future changes. It's not really what the decision was about that's important in this entry, it's the fact that I was able to deal with it. I'm proud of myself. I was scared, very scared about what could happen but right now I feel so good. I don't really know what else I can say... except thank you to a friend who encouraged me. :)

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rain [19 Aug 2001|12:59pm]
[ mood | calm ]

I love when it rains outside.
This morning I walked home from church and it was pouring. The way the drops fell on the pavement looked so amazing. I wanted to take a picture.
It feels good to be soaked by the sky drops. Feels like you are part of nature.
"This is what a flower feels like when it gets rained on." That's what I thought.
Instead of being annoyed that I was getting wet and trying to run for cover, I walked slowly and soaked it all up.
Felt so refreshing. I wish it would rain more often.

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Canisius [09 Aug 2001|04:26pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

Got my room assignment today. Room 115. Of course. I said "As long as I don't end up on the first floor I'll be happy." So where do I end up? On the first floor. How wonderful. The ground level scares me because it's right on the street. Random freaks of the night could walk by my window. It creeps me out. I don't like it. At least I have a good roommate.
Erwin called today. I wasn't here. I was swimming with John. I haven't talked to my boy in a long time. 7 more days....

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things.... [07 Aug 2001|04:57pm]
[ mood | relieved ]

I spent 8 and a half hours in the emergency room last night. My dad was having chest pains all day and finally it got so bad we took him there, me Jim and Mike. They were really busy so it took awhile. Pretty boring but at least my dad is ok. We got home at 4am and he had to get up and go to work this morning. Poor guy got no sleep.
Today me and Jim went to Best Buy. I bought 4 CDs, I figured I had to make up for not buying a CD in like 4 years. I got the Roots, Pharoah Monch, De La Soul, and 112. In the car on the way home I opened them all and found that the De La Soul one was empty. No CD. So we turned around and went back to Best Buy to get a new one. Turns out I got the very last one in the store so I just got my money back. Then we went to Guitar Center. Coolest place ever. If you haven't been there then go just because you can play with the synthesizers. Didn't get anything there, just played. Stopped at Irond. Mall on the way home to get some food and a freaky movie called Gummo. So that's my day so far. Later tonight I'm taking Erwin's little sister and Marielle and Elizabeth bowling and I think Amy is coming too. It should be fun....

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people suck [03 Aug 2001|04:57pm]
[ mood | discouraged ]

well no one actually cares what I have to say. It seems that if I say anything to anyone, no matter what it is, they always disagree or argue or tell me I'm wrong or something like that. Example... conversation between me and someone who shall remain nameless...

me: I like the lamp in that corner.
someone: No you can't put it there. I doesn't work.
me: I was just saying I think it looks good.
someone: No it looks terrible.

I love when people tell me no. I have an opinion but apparently it's not valid. That's just mean. And when I try to tell someone something that's important to me they brush it off and start telling me about their problems. All I ever hear is complaining. And if I ever try to talk about my problems the subject gets quickly changed or the person ignores me. That's not right. I want to tell some people what I really think of them. How selfish and egotistic they are. It makes me sick. Ugh. I'm so sick of people right now. Good thing I don't have to work today. I'd be a bitch.
I really need Erwin back. He's the only one I think that really and truly cares about me. Enough to be there though the tears and ALWAYS listen. I love him.

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change [24 Jul 2001|10:48pm]
[ mood | distressed ]

My living room is green. My couch is blue leather....
I fucked up real bad at work. They sent me home 2 hours early....
Erwin is gone for three weeks....
I watched TV all day....

What the HELL is going on?

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[16 Jul 2001|08:22pm]
[ mood | honored ]

Kateri's baptism is on Sunday. Her Godmother is going to be Mrs. Slaybaugh but she can't make it to the baptism so Aunt Mary Jo asked me to stand in for her. I didn't think much of it at first but then suddenly I felt really honored. Out of all the people she could have asked to stand in for her she chose me. That's awesome. Puts a smile on my face :) I was getting sad that I won't be able to see Kateri grow up and play with her when she's a toddler like I did with all the other 8 kids but now I feel better. I love those kids like they're my own. I'm going to miss them so much when I go to Canisius but at least I'm not that far away and I'll come home alot. Don't really want to think about that now anyway. I've got a baptism to look forward to :)

"I am that hero!" ~Larry Boy

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orientation [14 Jul 2001|04:36pm]
Canisius is cool. I'm glad I chose it.
The orientation was boring mostly because of the presentations. They all repeated themselves way too much. My classmates are alright. There's alot of slutty and bitchy girls but there's a good amount of normal ones too. The guys seem normal for the most part, although I didn't hang out with as much of them as I did with the girls. What can you expect from someone who has been going to school with all girls since 7th grade? I'll get used to it though. I met this girl there named Erin and we are both majoring in elementary education. She's really nice and we got along so well we decided to be roommates. What a relief to know that I have someone good to room with next year. Looking at some of the girls there that I could have been stuck with, I am SO glad I found Erin. One of the guys she works with is also going to Canisius. His name is Adrian. He was nice so we hung out with him. Jan didn't find anyone to room with but I think it will work out fine for her. Even if she gets stuck with someone terrible she won't have to spend alot of time with her. She can hang out with me and Erin.
So they made us split into teams to play some Olympics. I was on the black team and Jan was on the pink team but she decided to go with me since both our teams sucked and we wanted to at least be together. Well the girl in charge somehow knew we went to high school together and she purposely made it so no one from the same school was on the same team so she moved me to the red team even though I was really on black and Jan was on pink. Anyway it worked out for the best becase the red team won every event. Woo hoo! My team always loses so that was exciting. Then we went inside for some karaoke. It was funny and boring at the same time. The best part was when some guy got on top of the table while singing Nsync's Bye Bye Bye and started doing the dance to it. He won the karaoke contest. $50 for making a fool of yourself isn't too bad.
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recap [08 Jul 2001|08:57pm]
[ mood | exhausted ]

It seems that much has happened since I last wrote.
I went to NYC from Monday until yesterday. We stayed on Staten Island but took the ferry to Manhattan every day. We spent about 9 or 10 hours walking every day. So very tiring. I slept well. Pretty much every tourist attraction that is there we went to. Empire state building, twin towers, world trade center, times square, washington square park, etc. We didn't go to the statue of liberty but we saw it every day from the ferry. Everyone has been asking me what my favorite part of the trip was and that is a very hard question. Everything was my favorite. Seeing the city lit up at night from the top of the empire state building was really really great. The view of the Manhattan skyline from the ferry was just as good. And the seaport was a fun place. A definite highlight was seeing Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones while they were filming Men In Black 2. We got chased by a bum and had our palms read by a one-toothed old man and got rapped to on the ferry by some guys (Supreme, haha). The guys on the ferry were funny because they said they were from Manhattan but they kept making the west side symbol and saying "Cali, LA" and stuff like that. They were weird but entertaining. Anyway. Enough about NYC.
Aunt Mary Jo had her baby while we were gone. That makes 9 children. It was a little girl and she was born on July 3. Her name is Kateri Terese. Kateri is the first Native American to become a saint and her name is a form of Katherine. I think it's pretty.
Oh yeah, family reunion sucked. BORING. Hugs and kisses from people who seem like strangers. I hate that. The Rochester/Penn/Canada part of my family and the NYC part of my family totally separated themselves. It was stupid. But I had fun swinging with Erwin and my little cousins (the ones I know).
So now it's time to eat dinner because I'm starving and I worked 8 hours today and I'm still exhausted from the trip. Bye for now.

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final report card [27 Jun 2001|04:23pm]
[ mood | satisfied ]

I picked up my very last report card from high school.
Here's how I did....

Final averages/Final exam:
C++: 100/97
Internet: 97/100
Cr Appr: 93/94
PreCalc: 97/96
PE: 100/--
Physics: 96/89
Ec/Gov: 97/93
Religion: 97/94
Soc Justice: 97/--

Not too bad I think. My overall average for the 4th quarter is 96.857
It had been slowly declining all year but that's ok. My teachers had nice things to say and I got good effort marks.
For all 4 years of high school my average is 94.802
I guess I'm pleased with myself. Nothing I can do about now anyway :)

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I'm alive [24 Jun 2001|05:59pm]
[ mood | peaceful ]

Haven't been updating my journal lately. So much has happened.
Last night.....hahahaha I don't think that needs to be posted here just in case anyone I know ever reads this. Jan you know what I'm talking about :)

Anyways. I've graduated from Mercy (finally) and started working full time at Seabreeze. I think I have 33 hours this week. Not too bad. But they send me home early almost every day. I don't really mind because by the time 3 o'clock rolls around I'm pretty tired and ready to leave. Today I had to clean the waterpark booths. They were infested with giant spiders. I had to suck them up with an industrial sized vacuum cleaner. That wasn't fun. It was actually a good day though. Better than I've been having because most of the time I've been stuck in the Surf Shop with stupid people. At least I worked with Trisha today. She's super cool and easy to talk to. Tomorrow is my only day off this week. But then I get 6 days off because I'm going to NYC. That's going to be so much fun. Me, Jim, Mike, and Erwin are going. We're staying with Jim's girlfriend Keish. She's cool, I like her. I can't wait to see the fireworks they have down there for 4th of July. My family reunion is the day after we get back. I'm actually looking forward to it because I haven't seen some of those people in a really long time. The only thing I don't like is when I can't remember people's names. I have a HUGE extended family and they are all coming. How am I supposed to remember the names of several hundred people that I haven't seen since I was 5? They're good people though. Erwin's coming so I know I won't get too bored. And if it's bad then I can escape with the excuse that I have graduation parties to go to, which I do. I'm really sick of graduation parties though. I went to 4 yesterday and I was bored out of my mind for most of the day. Too much food and too much rain. Oh well, my party was good. What can beat a snow cone machine, mini-waterpark, and swingset? Come on, it was the best. And the food was good. I think subs and chips and stuff like that worked out good because it's easy and casual. If I had it catered I would have felt weird, too formal I guess. I prefer fast food, really.

So I think I've rambled for way too long now. I doubt anyone is even reading but that's ok because I had fun writing it.
I'm very optimistic and hopeful right now. Things are going to be great :)

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[29 May 2001|08:44pm]
[ mood | scared ]

Erwin's mad at me.....or I'm mad at him....I'm not sure which.
I don't even know what happened. I keep trying to think of why and I can't but I know I want to be. It's so bad.

Lindsay is pretty he tells me. I'm pretty everyday....but in an everyday sort of pretty way.
I asked and acted like I didn't care. I shouldn't care but when he points out his ex-girls as the pretty ones at the ball, out of everyone....her.....I don't even know what to say to that.
The things I'm thinking scare me. I don't want them to be true. He really didn't do anythings....this one is me.

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[28 May 2001|11:19pm]
[ mood | aggravated ]

I really hate myself sometimes.
I'm such a fucking idiot. What is wrong with me?? I should really stop comparing myself with other people. That's what's wrong with me. I need to get out of here....

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[27 May 2001|09:59pm]
[ mood | blank ]

do you ever get the feeling to cry out of nowhere?
for some reason I'm sitting here and I have to cry. I don't know why though. I'm not hurt or upset or angry or frustrated or anything like that. There must be something though.
It's been happening a lot lately. The weird thing is that the more I cry the more emotionless I feel.
maybe I'm crazy....mabye it happens to other people too....

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oh my god [22 May 2001|09:51pm]
my head hurts so bad....I can't remember the last time it hurt like this.
somebody shoot me please.
I have so much work to do, this is horrible :(
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[20 May 2001|12:46pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

Something About You
I dont know where to begin
I dont know how to get out there to see you
I dont know where to dig in.
I dont know how to get in there to feel you

Its been to long and Im about to be in time for me
Its been to long and Im in time

Baby theres something about you that
I can hold on to
Im going to hold on to that
Baby theres something about you that
I can hold on to
Im going to hold on to that

I never thought I would win
I never thought much about that.
(Its been a long time coming)
I never stopped to begin
Thinking about the process.
(Its been a long time coming)

Its been to long and Im about to be in time for me
Its been to long and Im in time

Baby theres something about you that
I can hold on to
Im going to hold on to that
Baby theres something about you that
I can hold on to
Im going to hold on to that

I dont know where to begin
I dont know how to get out there to see you

Baby theres something about you that
I can hold on to
Im going to hold on to that
Baby theres something about you that
I can hold on to
Im going to hold on to that

Its been a long time coming
Im going to hold on to that

And Im going to be there be there alright

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WORK [13 May 2001|03:19pm]
First day of the season at Seabreeze and I have to work. Fortunately there wasn't very many people there because it's cold. There was so much I forgot but I got a good refresher from Amy who's been working there for 3 years. I'm glad to be home though. Four hours was way too long. At least I'm getting paid. Right now I'm in debt $8. :)
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good times [06 May 2001|02:15pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

Last night had to be one of the coolest nights I've had in a long time. Every minute of it was so fun and interesting.
First, Erwin came over and then Katie came over. We drove to Erwin's house and waited for Jeremy to get there. Our plans were to go to the planetarium to see the laser light show. We got to the planetarium half an hour early so we had some time to kill. Erwin spotted some steps behind an open gate so he decided to run up them to see what was up there. We all followed him up to the top. When we finally got up there we saw two guys and a HUGE telescope. They let us look through the telescope at the moon. It was awesome. I've never seen the moon so up close before. It was really bright. The guys were cool and nice so we decided to go back up every Saturday because they said they would be there. Towards the end of the summer Mars will be visible so I'm looking forward to that. While we were up there we leaned over the edge and waved at one of the security guards. He told us not to jump because he didn't feel like catching anyone.
So we went back down the stairs and bought our tickets to the laser light show. There was hardly anyone else there besides a bunch of old people. I guess we were being a little rowdy because the couple in front of us moved. Oh well, we were having a great time. Some of the highlights of the show were the popcorn song and the Kung Fu fighting song. The Popcorn song by Hot Butter was funny because the screen of the planetarium starting filling up with giant sized popcorn. It looked so cool I felt like I was sitting at the bottom of a popcorn bowl. The Kung Fu fighting song was hilarious because they tried to make the laser light men move and fight but they didn't do a very good job. We basically made fun of the entire show so we were laughing the whole time. It was so fun.
After the show we were getting kinda tired so we went to Java's for coffee. Katie and I got some super caffeinated chocolate icy thing. It was really good. The boys got something else that didn't look as good. We saw Colista and Frederika there which was unexpected but cool. Here's the major funny thing that happened there. We sat right in front of the smoking room so there was a glass wall between us and them. Right on the other side of the glass there was some guy sitting there doing a bunch of paperwork. He kept looking up and staring at us so we were talking about him and making jokes and stuff until we realized that he could probably hear us. Jeremy decided to find out if he could so he said "Hey guys, see that guy sitting behind us on the other side of the glass? I think he's gay." Right after he said that the guy looked up at us and gave us a dirty look. He could hear everything we said. It was funny. At that point we decided it was time for us to leave.
We went back to Erwin's house and the four of us hung out in his room. Katie and I decided to dance for the boys since we learned a new dance in class yesterday. We weren't very good because we kept forgetting the moves. We got laughed at a lot but it was really fun anyway. Then Erwin got his video camera. We turned off all the lights so it was completely dark in there and we couldn't see each other. That's when the fight began. Not a real fight though, a play fight that was more like wrestling. First Katie somehow got her hands around my neck and started to strangle me. Then she body slammed me onto the bed and we started kicking at each other. I reached my hand up and slapped her right across the face. She went flying and hit her head on the wall. She got up, grabbed my leg and dragged me off the bed. I fell to the floor with a thud as she kicked me in the back. That's when she proclaimed victory. I think the funniest thing about it was that we couldn't see each other because it was so dark. I was laughing hysterically the whole time which was why I didn't fight back much.
By that time it was 1:30 in the morning so we decided to leave. I drove Katie home and we were both still caffeinated so it was an exciting ride.

So that was my amazing Saturday night. Actually those were just the highlights of it. I think the best part was the conversations. We were all being really funny. We laughed A LOT. I can't really remember anything specific now though.

Anyways, I hope everyone else had a good Saturday too :)

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dance [05 May 2001|02:30pm]
[ mood | naughty ]

I LOVE dancing. It is just so much fun.
Some of the moves we learned today are kinda sexual....just the way I like it :)
I can't wait to perform at class bash, I wanna show off my stuff

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